People are werid...

So everyday I go to the gym, I see someone taking the elevator...to go run on the treadmill. I know we have all seen this, and its not an amazing observation, but i see it everyday...it's great. I feel like i should enlighten them as to why that is so dumb. But then i go lift weights up and put them right back where i found them, I don't think im much cooler.

Almost everyday I walk out of my building, i see this guy named patrick, and is always wearing the same leather coat. Hes gay. And he's a writer. And for some reason i can see in his eyes, that he's hurting. Not in some "trying to be cool the whole world is dying" existentialist kind of way, i mean i can just tell in my gut. But he might be the nicest guy i see everyday.

There are these two black guys who clean our building, their names are eddie and james. Actually james cleans the building, eddie is homless guy. I think james lets him inside so he can stay warm. they don't smile alot. but i introduced myself the other day, and they did. I don't know if god likes it when we do things like that. because i get really happy when i do. But then i think about all the times i could make people smile with simple hellos, but i don't.

I was running the other day, and a some guy jumped out at me like a ninja and scared the crap out of me. everyone around me starting laughing, i did to. But the man was clearly insane. was the laughter at my reaction, or his insanity? ooooo wow, now that is deep. not really.

I'm reading this book by Elie wiesel, hes great. You ever read something and you deeply desire to have the abliity to write the words that you've just read? I cant write well. I rush. like in life. I jump from thing to thing, its hard for me to focus. He said something along these lines, and i thought it was approriate, -Mankind has become very efficent, and fast, but doesn't seem to know what to do with the extra time its got- I think thats true.

Read more, listen more, talk less....yup i've heard that before. What if i don't know how? What if i was never taught how to do those things, even though i want them so badly? What if i feel shallow, because i am unable to break the bonds of habit?

It seems so easy, when i read the works of these great thinkers, i want so badly to belong with them. i love how they process things, even if i disagree them. But lifestyle must acompany thoughts, otherwise thoughts are just that, thoughts. How do u create a lifestyle of a more thoughtful life, when it only exsists in your head? when everyone around you would describe as one way, and yet you think and desire to be described, another way.

I have come to the conclusion that my blog is most certainly for the the writer, and very barely for the reader. Gotta love selfishness